Where is the hickey?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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