I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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