I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
God, I missed his penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
