I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize