It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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