I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
