: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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