just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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