Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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