the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
