i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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