Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
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sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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