You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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