Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
