god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize