We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
