I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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