she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm like, not good at living.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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