I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
