Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
