What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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