Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
time to smoke my breakfast
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
