nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
