your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
