Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize