Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
