He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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