is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
