marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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