You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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