i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize