my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
