When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
