I want to make a zoo with you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
