oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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