I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
