If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
