Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
