i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
