There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
