your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
