Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
