South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
