I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
