whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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