remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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