she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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