I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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