I wanna bring you to show and tell
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
