playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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