SEEEEXXX PLEASE
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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