I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just pynch a tree in the face
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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