best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
