smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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