My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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