just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
