Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
