Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
