i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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