That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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